“Pleasing others”. That was the phrase that caught my attention last Saturday. My immediate thought was relating it to the phrase,”… grew in wisdom and stature, and in favor with God and men” (Luke 2:52). And it seems that I was not alone, as another person’s immediate response was, “pleasing God as well”.
But the more I think about it, the trickier it becomes. You see, to please others, a relationship is necessary and one of the most basic relationships is friendship. However, friends-making isn’t easy. Friendships don’t just happen. They are forged by spending time with others – playing, working, sharing lunches, out-of-the-blue-recording, or many other things. And it does sound like what Jesus had done. He spent a big chunk of time with many people for eating, fishing, strolling by the sea, chatting on the hill, going to parties, and so on and so forth. Sounds easy and fun, doesn’t it? Unfortunately, for most of us, it’s not.
Yup, it’s not easy and fun. We often feel that it doesn’t make sense to do all the ‘fun’ things. Especially in the fast pace and meritocracy-based life in Singapore, we found that not only it’s difficult to find the times to do so, but also it’s not worth our time. Our time is too precious to result in anything but fun and thus it’s a waste of time, or at least, ineffective use of time. And that felt like it’s a crime here!
Moreover, we felt that there’s a need to become a good friend and to prove that we are trustworthy, reliable, wise, competent friend. Not that it’s wrong, but more often than not I found that we are covering our mistakes and false thoughts just for the sake of ‘good friend image’. And of course, it should result in a good friendship as well, or so we thought. And because of this point of view, complains and dissatisfaction (yes, another special trait of Singapore) are uttered when our friends are making mistakes, instead of forgiveness and understanding as all of us are imperfect.
Let’s continue it a bit further down the line. The question that we then frequently asked to ourselves is, “Are we competent to be a (good) friend?” This of course, results in an answer of Yes or No. On one side, when we said that we are competent, there’s a tendency to expect a good friend in return and to take friendships for granted. On the other hand, when we think we are incompetent, there is a tendency to place a thick wall around ourselves and to self-pity. While after these statements we will think that ‘everything in moderation is the best’, the fact is that actually we asked the wrong question.
Yes, it is indeed wrong to ask such question when we should know for a fact that we are incompetent, that we can’t be a good friend, though many of us are much too gifted to realize that. However, it is also wrong to say that we can’t, since God has always shown and promise that He can and He will enable us to do so, and therefore we can (“we can’t” then becomes blasphemy). And so, the question is not supposed to ask about our ability, but our availability. We should ask whether we want to be a good friend and expecting nothing in return.
Let me put this in another way. Why do we want to be a good friend? I’m afraid that in the end we want to be a good friend only because it will benefit ourselves – for some, self esteem; for some, an advantage; for many others, other things. We forget that pleasing God should be our foremost and (if it’s ever possible) solely reason. We forget that the phrase was not “pleasing men, and God as well” but “in favor with God and men”. We forget that it is written, “seek Ye first the kingdom of God and its righteousness, and everything shall be added unto you”. We failed to position God as our Lord, to put Him in our priority, to be His friend, and to fail all those things without realizing them.
So, my appeal is this: God consider us as friends. Do we consider God as our friend? In the end, seriously, I do hope that we… grow in wisdom and stature, and in favor with God and men. After all, it is 100% grace and 100% work that we can be a friend. And friends, are friends forever, if The Lord’s the Lord of them.
And in any case, thanks, for being my friend. It’s definitely not easy.
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Oh, and the fun things that I mentioned before? Let’s just say that… simplicity is still the best, but the simplest things are not necessarily the simplest things to do, sincerely.
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Written while listening to Friends are friends forever by Michael W. Smith
